Sleepless again..

its 3am again.. im laying on my bed like every night.. thinking about him.. thinking whether i still have a chance.. would he come back? should i just wait? or should i move on? does he think of me the way i think of him? if he did he would call, wouldnt he? is he testing me? whether i would wait or not? or has he forgotten me? is it really over? i cant think straight.. im lost.. i wish someone would come find me.. so many questions in my head.. no answers.. all i know is that i love u carl.. n i wish u loved me too..

Hard to say goodbye

Sitting alone and silently
I recall a special part of my life
That part came unexpectedly
And lasted only for a while.
My life has been quite and peaceful
Until that unforgettable moment
You came like a silhouette of my soul
Then you walked right through my heart.
Everyday was a picture of happiness
There's no hint of loneliness
Everything was wonderful
Because I spent it with you.
But then, as time goes by
Feelings begin to fade away
Tears fall down one by one
And it kills me to say goodbye.
Every time my mind says move on
my heart says hold on
So many questions inside my head
But the answers are all up to you.
Loving someone like you
Without boundaries
Makes me think deeply again,
Why, Why it has to be you?

It feels so different being here,

I was so used to being next to you,

Life for me is not the same,

There's no one to turn to.

I don't know why I let it go too far,

Starting over - it's so hard.

Seems like everywhere I try to go,

I keep thinking of you.

I just had a wake up call,

Wishing that I never let you fall,

Baby you are not to blame at all.

when I'm the one that pushed you away.

Baby if you knew I cared,

You'd have never went nowhere..

What did I do??? :-( Its over

I feel so stupid. Maybe one of the biggest mistakes of my life.. I Loved him so much yet I broke up.. saying I needed space.. He tried coming back to me for months but I just ignored him.. I guess I wanted the attention.. And then one day.. he just stopped.. calling, texting, turning up at my house randomly.. everything stopped.. I thought he was trying to get my attention.. So i dint react.. But then it had been a while n no contact from him.. So I called him.. and sent him texts.. But I guess he had moved on.. and I was too late.. I realised my mistake.. I said I was sorry and wanted him back.. he said he dint want to keep any relation with me anymore..

Yea.. I had done a mistake.. a big one.. but it just happened.. now its all gone..

Hes happy I guess.. atleast he says he is.. he doesnt even contact me.. I see his pictures on facebook.. hes made new friends.. guys n girls too.. he looks happy in them.. Im happy for him..

But I cant help but sit and cry everyday about it.. I wish I could go back in time.. and change things..

What a fool I had been..

I dont know what to do anymore..

I promised I wouldnt contact him as he felt disturbed whenever I did.. I dont want to ruin his career which has just blossomed..

I wish he knew how much I really loved him.. I guess he thinks its all fake..

He thinks ive cheated on him.. Cos I was with another guy one day when he came to see me.. I would have thought the same if I were in his place.. but it wasnt what it looked like.. never judge a book by its cover they say?? isnt it.. but he says he believes what he sees..

Im still with that other guy.. But hes my friend..

A good friend.. who has supported me in my worries.. thats all..

I feel lost.. the one guy who loved me like mad.. now hates me.. and its all my fault..

I try to be happy.. I smile everyday.. and at nights I just cant sleep cos thats the only time i get alone to myself.. and all I can do is think about him..

I wish he comes back to me one day.. but I guess Im asking for too much..

Its over.. forever