What did I do??? :-( Its over

I feel so stupid. Maybe one of the biggest mistakes of my life.. I Loved him so much yet I broke up.. saying I needed space.. He tried coming back to me for months but I just ignored him.. I guess I wanted the attention.. And then one day.. he just stopped.. calling, texting, turning up at my house randomly.. everything stopped.. I thought he was trying to get my attention.. So i dint react.. But then it had been a while n no contact from him.. So I called him.. and sent him texts.. But I guess he had moved on.. and I was too late.. I realised my mistake.. I said I was sorry and wanted him back.. he said he dint want to keep any relation with me anymore..

Yea.. I had done a mistake.. a big one.. but it just happened.. now its all gone..

Hes happy I guess.. atleast he says he is.. he doesnt even contact me.. I see his pictures on facebook.. hes made new friends.. guys n girls too.. he looks happy in them.. Im happy for him..

But I cant help but sit and cry everyday about it.. I wish I could go back in time.. and change things..

What a fool I had been..

I dont know what to do anymore..

I promised I wouldnt contact him as he felt disturbed whenever I did.. I dont want to ruin his career which has just blossomed..

I wish he knew how much I really loved him.. I guess he thinks its all fake..

He thinks ive cheated on him.. Cos I was with another guy one day when he came to see me.. I would have thought the same if I were in his place.. but it wasnt what it looked like.. never judge a book by its cover they say?? isnt it.. but he says he believes what he sees..

Im still with that other guy.. But hes my friend..

A good friend.. who has supported me in my worries.. thats all..

I feel lost.. the one guy who loved me like mad.. now hates me.. and its all my fault..

I try to be happy.. I smile everyday.. and at nights I just cant sleep cos thats the only time i get alone to myself.. and all I can do is think about him..

I wish he comes back to me one day.. but I guess Im asking for too much..

Its over.. forever